what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
