My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
