I just threw up on my dentist
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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