I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
