Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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