I hate all girls vehemently.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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