i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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