does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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