No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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