Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
