so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
