the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
this beer tastes like vomit already
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
