i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
