I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
