we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
