I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize