Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I AM VODKA MAN
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
