I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
