my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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