His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
