This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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