3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
