I'm really into asian looking animals
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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