Say something about gay babies.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
