I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
