Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
