now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
