i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
