So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize