remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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