my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize