Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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