dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize