Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
