Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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