3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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