Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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