There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
