You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
