Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
