i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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