i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
