i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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