May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
