glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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