She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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