A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
