let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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