The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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