Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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