Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
