I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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