I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He did a backflip because drugs
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
