drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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