He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
