please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
