I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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