That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
