Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
