I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
