i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
How's work?
Spinning.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
