.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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