all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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