Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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