I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
