the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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