I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
