I'm going to jail i love you
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
